Pregnancy loss can leave you feeling shocked, vulnerable and alone. There’s the physical aftermath and then there’s the mental – which takes a lot longer to recover from.
I remember feeling scared when I found out as I didn’t know what came next, or how my body would react. A very low number of pregnancies end in the way that mine did, where my body gave no signs that things were amiss. How do you recover from something like that?
1) Support from family and friends.
Support is important, but in this day and age as early miscarriage is not talked about very much, the right support can be difficult to get. Open up to those around you that you feel comfortable with and they might just surprise you.
No matter what choice you make, whether it be medical management or surgery, having the support of others will be really helpful in your physical recover as you won’t feel up to doing anything physical for a while.
2) Support from professionals.
Not just the medical team, but professionals could be therapists/counsellors. The wait for NHS therapy was far too long for me to even comprehend when I needed it most, so I went private. She made me realise one very important thing:
3) Allow yourself time to grieve.
I felt as though I had no right to grieve, as my baby was not physically here. I didn’t even realise that I needed to grieve. The truth is that it’s a loss, no matter how you look at it. Baby was a part of you, no matter how short the time was and you need to grieve.
4. Allow yourself to do silly little things to make you feel better.
Retail therapy, watching a movie, having a bubble bath! Whatever it is, if it makes you feel better then do it! The weirdest thing we did for a while was build a bedroom downstairs in the living room – don’t ask what the logic was. For some reason being in a different environment helped me in my recovery and it may help you – maybe it was the step away from reality for a short time.
5. Do something to remember.
Thanks to a lovely charity, most hospitals now give lovely memory boxes, no matter when your loss occurred. This is so important as it gives significance to your baby. We built a memorial in our garden too which felt like the closure we very much needed, but that’s not for everyone. Do what’s right for you.
So…after all of that… just how do you pluck up the courage to try again?
It’s not easy! For a while you may feel there’s no point or it’s just too hard. Time really heals in this instance – give yourselves time together to recover and enjoy each other’s company before thinking about trying again. Some of you might be super keen to try again as you miss being pregnant – I was just like that! Felt like I needed to fill a void. It was important to not put too much pressure on ourselves after what we had been through. Stats helped somewhat – being told my likelihood of another missed miscarriage was super low helped a little but didn’t stop me feeling nervous when I fell pregnant again. If you need fertility treatment like I did, you’ll need the strength for it. The most important thing is to know when you are ready, look after your physical and mental health and everything else will fall into place.
Shhh1991 